Hey! Great news! I’m starting to get bored again.
Yes, like actual bored! Like looking for an activity to do or someone to be around. Now, this may only be for a passing moment. But it’s starting.
Since I left work I can see my weeks plotting out in a predictable pattern.
Monday and Tuesday will be primarily rest days where I’m trying to de-stimulate my brain from being with my family all weekend. It’s nice to be able to participate in activities with my family without worrying about working on Monday. No worries about being overstimulated and not being able to rest before going to work, if I’m able to go to work, or worse, missing out on family activities altogether.
So Monday and Tuesday I will catch up on my staring and get back into exercising. I might do some light housework. Wednesday I start to get some energy back. I get many things done by 11am. “Many things” = breakfast, a shower (gasp), and a load of laundry. So much that by 1pm I’m genuinely a little bored. I have 2 hours before the first kid trickles through the door and I literally start pacing around the house. I lay out everything I will need for dinner. I start picking up crumbs off the floor (bread bagging it).
I know the boredom won’t last long. Before you know it it’ll be Thursday and I’ll be saving my energy for Friday. Fridays my 4-year-old doesn’t have preschool and he is home with me. And he talks. A lot.
I only have myself to blame for that one.
It’s his only day of undivided attention; being the youngest of three boys he has to compete for it. Fridays do start to wear me out a little. I’m reminded of how smart I was to rest the day before.
And then here comes the weekend again. Sports, activities, and family time. Everyone’s home together. It’s a ruckus. I thought having an open floor plan would be great. Ha Ha! The joke’s on me. Open floor plans look very inviting when you have no children or maybe a baby that you always have an eye on. Once you have three kids running around you realize that you crave walls. Walls to contain the noise and less open space so as to not invite the running.
But you have to stop me. I daydream about walls and before you know it, this post will be all about my plans for walls. Blueprints included.
I’m also starting to crave some human interaction during the day. Maybe not some small-sized person asking me over and over again if it’s snack time, or how many minutes until snack time. But an actual conversation with another adult about something other than me. I’m missing my brief but weirdly in-depth conversations with Bob at the local market.
The fact that this feeling is starting is very exciting for me. To me, it means I won’t be this person who wants to stay boarded up at home. To me, it means that parts of my core self are pushing through again. That I truly want to be out there doing things and being with other people. I understand and accept that it won’t be like before. I’m ok with that. I remind myself that I still need to take things slow and not jump into anything right now.
So I’ll be taking up small activities. Short coffee talks with friends or chats on the phone. I’m also looking for an activity that I can abandon without a thought. Like not baking. If I suddenly need a break but there’s a recipe to finish or dishes to clean, that won’t be good. My pie stock will plummet.
No. Something I can pick up and put down as needed. I started coloring but Oscar (my 4-year-old) got upset because I was using his pirate coloring book. I tried those adult coloring books but the pattern was so small and tight that it wasn’t the best for my eyes.
The writing feels good for now. I’m able to jot things down as they come and walk away as needed. Most of my writing comes from self-talk. That inner monologue that can happen at any time. I’ve learned that I need to have a notebook ready to be able to get it down quickly before it leaves my memory.
Unfortunately, that’s impossible when you’re in the shower.
Which is where I had some really good notes today but now……..
Well, maybe the next time I’m in there I’ll find them.
Peace and Love